It's time to Downsize

Welcome to Bethany Village! I'm a senior living counselor, which means I help seniors make lifestyle decisions. My name is Amy Hamm, and I’ve worked at Bethany for 11 years. It’s my job to introduce our community and services to prospective residents and their families and to guide them through the experience of moving to a senior living community.

Moving to a community like Bethany is a huge step for most people. I try to establish a good relationship with them and build trust. Then we walk together into their new lifestyle. When a resident tells me living at Bethany is everything I said it would be, it means a lot to me. When people thank me for helping them make their move, they almost always say, "I should have done this years ago." That’s when I know they are truly happy.

The people who live at Bethany are from a generation of genuine ladies and gentlemen. I learn and grow from every encounter.

I live in Washington Township, Ohio, with my husband and my daughter – the smartest 8-year-old in town – in her mother’s opinion. My parents and one of my sisters and her family live nearby. I am a big Broadway musical fan. I enjoy singing and used to perform. Even now I will sometimes break into spontaneous song – just ask my co-workers!

After the sizzling summer most of the country has experienced, it’s hard to believe that we’ll soon be complaining about how cold it is, how much snow we have to shovel and how treacherous those ice-glazed sidewalks can be. With autumn fast approaching, now is a good time for seniors and their families to give some thought to future living arrangements. Is home becoming too much to handle? Are safety and the everyday demands of upkeep and yard work becoming issues? Is selling the house and relocating to a retirement community beginning to look like a smart move?

Having counseled many seniors and their adult children who are exploring Bethany Village as an option, I can share with you three guiding principles for families making this very important life decision:

·  Don’t wait until you are in the midst of a crisis to start looking at retirement communities. You won’t have the time, clarity and peace of mind needed to make an informed decision. It’s much better to start exploring before you feel the pressing need to act. Just because you are investigating choices doesn’t mean a move is immanent; it simply means you are investing some time and thought in deciding the next step in living arrangements.

·  Put your feelings on the table. Adult children often approach talking to their parents about selling the house with some trepidation. It can be difficult conversation wrought with emotion. Sometimes, however, an older person may have already been thinking about making the move and welcomes some assistance in sorting out feelings and coming up with a strategy. Sit down together and make a pros and cons list. What are the benefits vs. drawbacks – financial, social, lifestyle, health, safety and mobility – of selling the house and moving to a retirement community? Visit some retirement communities to learn more about amenities and costs. Keep an open mind and be honest about your fears and concerns.

·  Be realistic about selling your house. There’s no denying that the economy has been rough on real estate sales. Sometimes, older people may resist selling in today’s depressed market, choosing instead to “wait until things get better” so they don’t lose a penny of the equity they always planned to leave to their children. Recently, an adult child visiting Bethany Village told me that she explained to her parents that waiting to sell was not their only option. If they really wanted to give her a meaningful gift, they could give it to her right now by moving into a place where she had the comfort of knowing every day that they were safe, active and relieved of the burden of maintaining a house.

Ultimately, you may conclude that staying put is the best choice, at least for the time being. Having fully explored the options, however, means that everyone involved in the decision-making process will be that much ahead of the game if and when moving into a retirement community starts looking like the next logical step in safe and happy senior living.

What is your main concern about moving to a retirement community? Please make a comment below.

Spring is in the air, and "for sale" signs are popping up on lawns all over the country. If you are thinking about making the move to a retirement community like Bethany Village, now is the time to do some planning. The more you know before you start visiting prospective communities, the smoother your decision-making process will be. Here are a few tips:

1. Contact your Area Agency on Aging to find retirement living options in and near your locale. If you are uncertain about the different types of housing available – for example, independent vs. assisted living – check  for definitions.

2. If you have access to a computer, visit some websites associated with retirement communities in your area. Look for the kinds of housing available, amenities and services. Some websites will offer a virtual tour of housing and grounds. This step will show you what is possible in retirement living; you can decide what appeals to you.

3. Make a list of lifestyle priorities. How much living space do you want? What kind of home appeals to you – a high-rise condo, townhouse, free-standing house? What recreational services and amenities are important to you? Will you have a pet(s)? Do you want a full continuum of care available? Think about what you don’t like about where you live now. Can you change any of those things when you move?

4. Think about your financial commitment. For example, do you want to purchase or rent? Retirement communities have professionals on staff who can walk you through your options, but it’s a good idea to know your budget before you start visiting places.

5. Call ahead to make an appointment. Prepare a short list of questions so you can easily eliminate places that don’t meet your basic requirements.

It’s important to remember that your search for a retirement community is just that – yours. While you’ll want to consult with your family and close friends, the ultimate decision rests with you. When you visit, invite a trusted advisor along, but avoid bringing lots of friends and family. You’ll want to concentrate on your needs – not theirs.

Expect the community representative who is showing you around to give you the time you need (usually 60–90 minutes), focus on your needs and answer your questions straightforwardly. Choosing a retirement community is choosing a lifestyle. The representatives you meet with should be as interested to in your happiness, comfort and safety as you are.

Are you planning to visit retirement communities this spring? Do you have other questions?

If you are an older person thinking about visiting some retirement communities in anticipation of making a move (or if you are a family member thinking about future living arrangements for a loved one), I have a very important piece of advice for you: Do it when things are going well and you are not in crisis or under any pressure to make a fast decision. Not being in a hurry to make a move gives you the freedom to consider all your options, weigh the pros and cons, and make an informed decision.

I’ve been a senior living counselor at Bethany Village for 11 years, and in that time, I have learned what it takes for prospective residents to glean the most information from their retirement community preview tours. Here are some tips:

Don’t be afraid to make an appointment. Selecting a retirement community can’t be done over the phone. You’ll want to compare at least a couple of similar places. Meeting face-to-face with a counselor is the best way to get a feel for the place and have all your questions answered.

Be prepared. Before you set off for your appointment, take a few minutes to write down your "hot button" issues. What are you looking for? What is less than perfect in your current living situation? Could the community you are visiting solve those problems?

Allow enough time for your appointment. For example, Bethany’s campus is fairly large – ranging from independent living in cottages to long-term nursing home care. We ask our prospective residents to plan on about a 90-minute visit.

Visit during the day. Retirement communities are quieter in the evening and on weekends, so if you want get a realistic impression, come during the day.

Try to set aside preconceived negatives. There are several common preconceived notions about moving into a retirement community. One has to do with loss of control over your lifestyle. A quality retirement community will allow you to make the decisions about how much assistance/care you need. Fear of moving into a nursing home is another common issue. If there is a nursing home associated with the retirement community you are visiting, ask to see it and take a good look around. At Bethany, for example, I think the community and atmosphere would be not at all what you anticipated.

Expect the places you visit to follow-up with you. The counselors you meet with should call you about a week after your visit to see if you have any questions. If you show interest in the community, you should expect the counselor to invite you and perhaps a family member back for another visit.

Let’s face it: people generally don’t like making dramatic changes in how and where they live, especially as they get older. You probably want to see me – a retirement community counselor – about as much as you want to go to the dentist! But taking care of these plans now can make your life a lot easier later. I can assure you that at Bethany Village, your needs and comfort come first. And if you use the tips I’ve outlined above, you will be able to make an informed choice when it’s time to look at retirement living.

Your comments are welcome about your experience with tours of retirement communities.

More and more seniors are selecting and ultimately moving to a retirement community in a state other than where they currently reside. Not surprising, one major factor in this decision is the consideration of wanting to be closer to their children and grandchildren.

Family is a huge pull on the emotional heartstrings. The opportunity to be closer to children and grandchildren and be a part of their daily lives often motivates seniors to relocate where family lives.

There are many benefits for both parents and their children. First, there is an opportunity to check-in frequently with one another, whether it is gathering for Sunday family dinners or simply an impromptu visit. Also, having parents in the same city allows them to attend grandchildren’s special events, such as dance recitals or weekly soccer games.

On a more practical level, having parents close by enables the sons and daughters to assist more in situations where one or more parent’s health is declining. When parents live far away, sons and daughters need to take vacation days, or even a week at a time to visit and provide assistance on a more sporadic basis. If the parents are in good health, many are helping assist with their grandchildren, offering to watch grandchildren after school or transport them to events while the parents are at work. This is a tremendous help when both parents work outside the home.

Often the sons and daughters are doing the initial research and paving the way for mom and dad to move closer. More and more initial visits here at Bethany Village  in Dayton, Ohio are with the entire family or just with the adult children. It used to be I would see the children at the end of the process or on moving day but not anymore.

Are you now living in a senior retirement community like Bethany Village? Did you enlist the help of your children for guidance on your decision? Leave us a comment and tell us your story.

Directions to Bethany Village:

Bethany Village is located just north of the intersection of Interstate 675 and Far Hills Avenue in Centerville, 10 miles south of Dayton, Ohio.
Click here for a map or for Mapquest directions.

So your parent(s) have made the decision to move to a Retirement Community – a big step indeed. This decision in and of itself is a monumental one and no doubt as the son or daughter you were involved in the process. Now, it’s just a matter of packing and moving mom and dad to their new home right? For a lot of people, what lies ahead is one of the hardest parts – the emotional aspects of downsizing.

As a senior living counselor for Bethany Village, a continuing care retirement community in Centerville, OH, I hear over and over, "What am I going to do with all my stuff?" In many cases, 40 to 50 years of memories have accumulated in attics, basements, closets, drawers and garages. Belongings spanning two or even three generations have piled up making the downsizing process overwhelming.

So where do you begin?

My best advice is simple: Do a little each day and consider hiring professional help.

First, go through your home room by room and divide belongings into three categories: keep, donate or throw away. Many items have sentimental value, which makes them extremely hard to consider giving away. This is where a professional can be very helpful. Those who specialize in downsizing and transitioning are experts in the sorting process because they look at things with an objective eye. They can also locate auctioneers and provide information on estate sales which can help you sell some of your items, especially valuable collectibles.

Before selling or donating items that are sentimental, take pictures of the treasured items and place those pictures in a memory album. This keeps the memory of the item alive without actually having to physically own it after moving into your new home.

And if a piece of furniture is really important to you, find just the perfect place in your new home to enjoy it.

While it’s ideal to downsize all at once, the reality is many people downsize in stages, storing items until a later date. With children often spread out over many states, it’s not always possible to get it all done at once. Forty or 50 years of belongings is a lot to sift through, so utilize resources to help make the process as seamless as possible. And with the money you make from your estate sale, treat yourself to some new items for your new home!

Share your experiences about downsizing with us in the comments section below. If you’ve been through the process already, do you have any advice or helpful hints? What would you have done differently?

Directions to Bethany Village:

Bethany Village is located just north of the intersection of Interstate 675 and Far Hills Avenue in Centerville, 10 miles south of Dayton, Ohio.
Click here for a map or for Mapquest directions.