Elderly Parent Home

Care giving for an aging or elderly parent is usually a fairly long-term proposition that may evolve from just checking in every day to actually moving in. Chances are, however, that your parent’s needs will eventually escalate to more than you can safely handle on your own. That’s why it is so important to have a discussion early on about how both of you will know it’s time for a move to long-term care. If you reach agreement when life is relatively calm, it will much easier for you to take the next step when it’s necessary.

In the meantime, here are 10 tips for you to keep in mind for your own well being as you care for your parent.

1. Lead as much of a balanced life as circumstances allow.

2. Make sure you stay healthy. Eat well and get enough sleep.

3. Be aware that depression goes along with long-term care giving. Exercise will help ward off the blues. You may benefit from professional counseling as well.

4. If your parent is gravely ill, you may be grieving over the reality of slowly losing him or her. Seek emotional support from family and friends. Avoid emotional isolation.

5. Avoid physical isolation, too. You may find yourself homebound along with your parent. If you can’t get out regularly, invite people to drop by. Have family and friends over for potluck meals and holiday celebrations.

6. It’s difficult to do, but try to keep any personal issues separate from your care giving responsibilities. Stress can damage the relationship between you and your parent.

7. Your parent needs to have as much autonomy and independence as possible. It’s important for him or her to make decisions (like deciding what to have for lunch) and have some meaningful activity (like folding the clothes) that contribute to home life. These things may seem insignificant, but they greatly enhance quality of life.

8. A cognitively impaired person requires a set routine, but within that routine, he or she needs still some meaning and purpose to ward off depression.

9. It’s important not to encourage a role reversal. Your parent has lived a life. Respect that and preserve the relationship.

10. If your parent refuses to eat regardless of what you do, take it clinically not personally. Get a medical evaluation. Having no appetite could be a precursor to an acute illness.

If you need additional help and have financial constraints, Medicaid will assess your parent’s requirements and, if he or she qualifies, will provide assistance. Some examples of assistance - regardless of ability to pay - include home health care, adult day care, Meals on Wheels, housekeeping and home health companion services.

Were these tips useful for you? The Bethany Village staff welcomes your comments. Let us know how you are getting along with care giving for your parent(s).

Adult children caring for an aging parent have at least one thing in common: unrelenting anxiety over their loved one’s day-to-day well being and safety. If the older person in question has a memory impairment or disability, there is even more reason to worry.

Often, adult children find themselves caught in a difficult grey area: with some supervision and in-home care, mom or dad could stay put. On the other hand, moving to a long-term care facility would ensure proper care and safety. What to do?

It is important to discuss plans and options sooner rather than later so that everyone knows what to expect. A general guideline is to match the environment to whatever your loved one’s abilities are at the time. The goal is to maintain his/her function at the highest level possible. As mom or dad change, you can adapt the environment accordingly. After 13 years working in long-term care at Bethany Village, I have counseled many adult children caught in the throes of what to do about mom or dad. If an elderly person is not ready for long-term care, but needs some safety precautions at home, here are 10 good places to start:

1. Remove all firearms. It should go without saying, a person whose thinking is impaired, whether by memory loss or depression, should have never have access to firearms.

2. Devise a medication plan. It’s easy enough to forget to take a pill or to take a double dose when you are young. Older folks, who often take many medications on a variety of different schedules, may need extra help sorting and organizing their pills.

3. Encourage a smoking cessation plan. Cigarettes and tobacco products are unhealthy for all the obvious reasons – plus smoking is a fire hazard. With the loss of short-term memory, a smoker will eventually forget to light up, but the body will still react to the loss of nicotine, which is an addictive drug. Talk to the doctor about how to wean your loved one off nicotine.

4. Make the bathroom accessible. Install grab bars and a raised toilet seat with handles. A walk-in shower is much safer than a tub or shower that requires stepping up and over a threshold. Be sure to regulate the temperature of the hot water down by adjusting the hot water heater.

5. Remove hazards. Many houseplants are poisonous. People with impaired memory sometimes try to eat plants, so it’s best to remove them. Disable the locks on interior doors, especially the bathroom door. Older people sometimes become paranoid and lock themselves in a room.

6. Adapt the kitchen stove. If you fear that your parent will leave the stove or oven on, arrange to have a timer installed that will turn it off after a given time – such as 30 minutes. Eventually, you may have to disconnect the stove.

7. Take the keys – and the car. Sometimes, asking a parent to give up the car keys isn’t enough. Eventually, you may have to remove the car from the premises.

8. Use electronic helpers. If your mom or dad tends to wander, consider using a GPS tracking device. If you are worried about what’s happening when you are not on the premises, consider installing a "nanny cam" that you can monitor from your computer or Smartphone.

9. Reach out for help. Make sure the neighbors, friends and groups like your loved one’s church members are aware of the situation. In addition, take advantage of resources such as the Alzheimer’s Association and support groups.

10. Take care of yourself. If you live with your mom or dad, look into adult daycare for a respite. It’s important to step away now and then to restore your body and spirit. Taking better care of yourself ultimately means better care for mom or dad.

If you have questions or concerns about how to make decisions regarding care and safety for your parents, please share your thoughts in the comments section below.