Caring For Aging Parents

Are you retired and considering adopting a pet? Maybe you’re an adult child helping mom or dad pick a new furry friend? Pets can be a wonderful addition to a senior’s daily routine. Pets - especially older animals - can provide seniors with improved health, mood and activity. Studies show that having a cat or dog can even lower blood pressure!

When considering a pet, think about your daily life. You probably don’t want a kitten or puppy. While young animals are certainly cute and can be a lot of fun, they are also a lot of work. Both older cats and dogs provide just as much love as their younger counterparts – but require much less work.

According to the American Humane Association, cats are especially great for seniors:

• Unlike dogs, cats are happy staying indoors all the time.　
• Most adult cats require only 20 to 30 minutes of playtime per day, and interactive play does not require the owner to be mobile.
• Cats are also very content to spend most of their time sleeping on their owner’s lap or bed.　

Of course, this isn’t to say older dogs can’t make great companions! There are many programs that pair senior dogs with older owners.

The American Kennel Club has some tips and some important facts to consider. First, consider your activity level and favorite activities. You also need to strongly evaluate your financial fitness. Older pets may require more medical care than a puppy. Also, make sure you choose the right breed of dog. All dogs have different temperaments and you don’t want a hyperactive dog that barks incessantly if you live in an apartment.

Like cats, dogs can easily keep you active. They provide you with a routine and encourage exercise because dogs need walked. Consider a small breed, or "toy" dog as they require less physical activity and make great lap pets!

Remember the rules of your community. Some places, like Bethany Village, have limits on how many pets you may own at one time. Your senior living counselor will provide you with all the information you need to make the right pet decision for your living arrangement.
 

After surgery, injury or even illness, we all need time to recover. The Bethany Rehabilitation Center (BRC) provides short-term nursing care and therapy for individuals who aren't ready to return home from the hospital following an injury, illness or surgery. The BRC is renowned for caring for persons after hip or knee replacement surgery. If you know you’re having a hip or knee replacement, you can plan ahead for your post-hospitalization stay.

If you need to find a rehabilitation facility for yourself – or a loved one – there are some important things to consider. The facility you choose should have specialists, such as physical and occupational therapists and dedicated nurses. Also, you may want to consider a rehabilitation facility that is part of a larger continuum of care. Bethany Village is a continuing care retirement community (CCRC) that provides residential choices like apartments and cottages as well as various healthcare services, from assisted living to state-of-the-art memory support. You may require different levels of care following your surgery or illness.

Choosing a community like Bethany means not moving around and having ample opportunities for learning, fitness and making friends. Admissions to Bethany Rehabilitation Center are accepted 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The center is certified by Medicare and Medicaid, and Bethany Village is accredited by the Commission on Accreditation of Rehabilitation Facilities—Continuing Care Accreditation Commission (CARF-- CCAC).

Approximately 25 individuals comprise a team specializing in physical, occupational, and speech therapy. Therapy is offered seven days a week in one of two specialized therapy gymnasiums. Moreover, the Bethany Rehabilitation Center provides services within the highly acclaimed Linden House. Private rooms feature private baths and many overlook gardens and waterscapes to promote relaxation and healing.

For more information call 937-436-6846.

If you hate to move, you’re not alone. In fact, the thought of moving can often act as a deterrent from people making the decision to move to a continuing care retirement community like Bethany Village.

"Downsizing is always the biggest part -- and fear -- of the move because the majority of our residents have lived in their home for 20 or more years," says Bethany Village move-in coordinator April Shank.

April has a unique job at Bethany: she gets to meet every new indepedent living resident before they actually move into their cottage, villa or apartment on campus! She helps with the transition and makes moving to Bethany more manageable. She can provide information about moving companies and even help future residents determine which furniture to bring to campus.

"I will visit them at their place to look at their furniture and help them determine what might work," continues April. "We will even measure current pieces and sometimes discuss new furniture." Being able to arrange their new environment -- make it their home -- also gives them a certain peace of mind.

Not everyone coming to Bethany is from Dayton or even Ohio. It’s not uncommon for new residents to come from a neighboring state or across the country. April assists residents with moves both large and small and provides info packets with partner companies worldwide. Before moving day arrives, April ensures all details are ready like carpeting, paint or other upgrades. On moving day, April is on hand to help with last minute details. If something needs fixed, she contacts maintenance immediately. Plus, her presence helps new residents feel at ease. She makes sure new residents know their way around campus and gets them settled.

All of April’s services are free to incoming residents.

Interested in Bethany Village? Call 937-436-6850 to schedule an appointment with a senior living counselor. Or, take our virtual tour before calling!

If you are scouting living options for a parent who can no longer live alone or whose care requires more than a family member can provide, assisted living might be a good option. Bethany Village offers a comprehensive continuum of care that includes independent cottages, villas, and apartments; assisted living apartments, rehabilitation care, and long-term nursing care.

But all assisted living places are not the same; it pays to visit as many as you can to see everyday life in action. Sometimes what you actually see when you make a scouting visit is more revealing than answers you receive to your questions. Here are a few things to look for:


 

• Do the residents and staff seem happy? Are they smiling?
• Are the grounds nicely landscaped and well kept?
• Are the interiors – living spaces and common spaces – clean and tidy?

• Do your employees enjoy working here? Can you show me current employee satisfaction survey results? What is your turnover percent compared to the average?
• What do you do to ensure the facility follows all state and federal regulations? Do you have committees that oversee quality? Do you perform regular audits to ensure quality care?
• Do you have current resident and family satisfaction survey results you can share with me?
• What is the ratio of nurses to patients? How does it compare to other facilities?
• Do you use agency nurses or have your own employees? The organizational commitment and consistency of care that comes with having employee nurses is important.
• What do you do to keep residents as independent as possible?
• How is toileting handled for those who are not mobile on their own?
• Are rooms private or semi-private?
• What furniture and décor items can I bring in to make my parent’s room more like home?
• Can residents select their own meals?
• Do you have an onsite laundry?

As you can see, there is a lot to consider when you are investigating assisted living or long-term care for a loved one. Visit www.medicare.gov/NHCompare for information on nursing homes in your area and to compare facilities using Medicare’s Five-Star Quality Ratings, health inspection results, nursing home staff data, quality measures and fire safety inspection results.

Here is my last piece of advice – and it’s probably the most important of all: look for a facility or community that is based on a "social model," not a "medical model." A social model focuses not on what residents can’t do, but on what they can do. Feeling empowerment, independent and able to make ones own decisions is the best medicine of all.

We welcome your comments and questions about how to find the appropriate level of care for your parent(s).

If you are an older person thinking about visiting some retirement communities in anticipation of making a move (or if you are a family member thinking about future living arrangements for a loved one), I have a very important piece of advice for you: Do it when things are going well and you are not in crisis or under any pressure to make a fast decision. Not being in a hurry to make a move gives you the freedom to consider all your options, weigh the pros and cons, and make an informed decision.

I’ve been a senior living counselor at Bethany Village for 11 years, and in that time, I have learned what it takes for prospective residents to glean the most information from their retirement community preview tours. Here are some tips:

Don’t be afraid to make an appointment. Selecting a retirement community can’t be done over the phone. You’ll want to compare at least a couple of similar places. Meeting face-to-face with a counselor is the best way to get a feel for the place and have all your questions answered.

Be prepared. Before you set off for your appointment, take a few minutes to write down your "hot button" issues. What are you looking for? What is less than perfect in your current living situation? Could the community you are visiting solve those problems?

Allow enough time for your appointment. For example, Bethany’s campus is fairly large – ranging from independent living in cottages to long-term nursing home care. We ask our prospective residents to plan on about a 90-minute visit.

Visit during the day. Retirement communities are quieter in the evening and on weekends, so if you want get a realistic impression, come during the day.

Try to set aside preconceived negatives. There are several common preconceived notions about moving into a retirement community. One has to do with loss of control over your lifestyle. A quality retirement community will allow you to make the decisions about how much assistance/care you need. Fear of moving into a nursing home is another common issue. If there is a nursing home associated with the retirement community you are visiting, ask to see it and take a good look around. At Bethany, for example, I think the community and atmosphere would be not at all what you anticipated.

Expect the places you visit to follow-up with you. The counselors you meet with should call you about a week after your visit to see if you have any questions. If you show interest in the community, you should expect the counselor to invite you and perhaps a family member back for another visit.

Let’s face it: people generally don’t like making dramatic changes in how and where they live, especially as they get older. You probably want to see me – a retirement community counselor – about as much as you want to go to the dentist! But taking care of these plans now can make your life a lot easier later. I can assure you that at Bethany Village, your needs and comfort come first. And if you use the tips I’ve outlined above, you will be able to make an informed choice when it’s time to look at retirement living.

Your comments are welcome about your experience with tours of retirement communities.

Care giving for an aging or elderly parent is usually a fairly long-term proposition that may evolve from just checking in every day to actually moving in. Chances are, however, that your parent’s needs will eventually escalate to more than you can safely handle on your own. That’s why it is so important to have a discussion early on about how both of you will know it’s time for a move to long-term care. If you reach agreement when life is relatively calm, it will much easier for you to take the next step when it’s necessary.

In the meantime, here are 10 tips for you to keep in mind for your own well being as you care for your parent.

1. Lead as much of a balanced life as circumstances allow.

2. Make sure you stay healthy. Eat well and get enough sleep.

3. Be aware that depression goes along with long-term care giving. Exercise will help ward off the blues. You may benefit from professional counseling as well.

4. If your parent is gravely ill, you may be grieving over the reality of slowly losing him or her. Seek emotional support from family and friends. Avoid emotional isolation.

5. Avoid physical isolation, too. You may find yourself homebound along with your parent. If you can’t get out regularly, invite people to drop by. Have family and friends over for potluck meals and holiday celebrations.

6. It’s difficult to do, but try to keep any personal issues separate from your care giving responsibilities. Stress can damage the relationship between you and your parent.

7. Your parent needs to have as much autonomy and independence as possible. It’s important for him or her to make decisions (like deciding what to have for lunch) and have some meaningful activity (like folding the clothes) that contribute to home life. These things may seem insignificant, but they greatly enhance quality of life.

8. A cognitively impaired person requires a set routine, but within that routine, he or she needs still some meaning and purpose to ward off depression.

9. It’s important not to encourage a role reversal. Your parent has lived a life. Respect that and preserve the relationship.

10. If your parent refuses to eat regardless of what you do, take it clinically not personally. Get a medical evaluation. Having no appetite could be a precursor to an acute illness.

If you need additional help and have financial constraints, Medicaid will assess your parent’s requirements and, if he or she qualifies, will provide assistance. Some examples of assistance - regardless of ability to pay - include home health care, adult day care, Meals on Wheels, housekeeping and home health companion services.

Were these tips useful for you? The Bethany Village staff welcomes your comments. Let us know how you are getting along with care giving for your parent(s).

Adult children caring for an aging parent have at least one thing in common: unrelenting anxiety over their loved one’s day-to-day well being and safety. If the older person in question has a memory impairment or disability, there is even more reason to worry.

Often, adult children find themselves caught in a difficult grey area: with some supervision and in-home care, mom or dad could stay put. On the other hand, moving to a long-term care facility would ensure proper care and safety. What to do?

It is important to discuss plans and options sooner rather than later so that everyone knows what to expect. A general guideline is to match the environment to whatever your loved one’s abilities are at the time. The goal is to maintain his/her function at the highest level possible. As mom or dad change, you can adapt the environment accordingly. After 13 years working in long-term care at Bethany Village, I have counseled many adult children caught in the throes of what to do about mom or dad. If an elderly person is not ready for long-term care, but needs some safety precautions at home, here are 10 good places to start:

1. Remove all firearms. It should go without saying, a person whose thinking is impaired, whether by memory loss or depression, should have never have access to firearms.

2. Devise a medication plan. It’s easy enough to forget to take a pill or to take a double dose when you are young. Older folks, who often take many medications on a variety of different schedules, may need extra help sorting and organizing their pills.

3. Encourage a smoking cessation plan. Cigarettes and tobacco products are unhealthy for all the obvious reasons – plus smoking is a fire hazard. With the loss of short-term memory, a smoker will eventually forget to light up, but the body will still react to the loss of nicotine, which is an addictive drug. Talk to the doctor about how to wean your loved one off nicotine.

4. Make the bathroom accessible. Install grab bars and a raised toilet seat with handles. A walk-in shower is much safer than a tub or shower that requires stepping up and over a threshold. Be sure to regulate the temperature of the hot water down by adjusting the hot water heater.

5. Remove hazards. Many houseplants are poisonous. People with impaired memory sometimes try to eat plants, so it’s best to remove them. Disable the locks on interior doors, especially the bathroom door. Older people sometimes become paranoid and lock themselves in a room.

6. Adapt the kitchen stove. If you fear that your parent will leave the stove or oven on, arrange to have a timer installed that will turn it off after a given time – such as 30 minutes. Eventually, you may have to disconnect the stove.

7. Take the keys – and the car. Sometimes, asking a parent to give up the car keys isn’t enough. Eventually, you may have to remove the car from the premises.

8. Use electronic helpers. If your mom or dad tends to wander, consider using a GPS tracking device. If you are worried about what’s happening when you are not on the premises, consider installing a "nanny cam" that you can monitor from your computer or Smartphone.

9. Reach out for help. Make sure the neighbors, friends and groups like your loved one’s church members are aware of the situation. In addition, take advantage of resources such as the Alzheimer’s Association and support groups.

10. Take care of yourself. If you live with your mom or dad, look into adult daycare for a respite. It’s important to step away now and then to restore your body and spirit. Taking better care of yourself ultimately means better care for mom or dad.

If you have questions or concerns about how to make decisions regarding care and safety for your parents, please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

So your parent(s) have made the decision to move to a Retirement Community – a big step indeed. This decision in and of itself is a monumental one and no doubt as the son or daughter you were involved in the process. Now, it’s just a matter of packing and moving mom and dad to their new home right? For a lot of people, what lies ahead is one of the hardest parts – the emotional aspects of downsizing.

As a senior living counselor for Bethany Village, a continuing care retirement community in Centerville, OH, I hear over and over, "What am I going to do with all my stuff?" In many cases, 40 to 50 years of memories have accumulated in attics, basements, closets, drawers and garages. Belongings spanning two or even three generations have piled up making the downsizing process overwhelming.

So where do you begin?

My best advice is simple: Do a little each day and consider hiring professional help.

First, go through your home room by room and divide belongings into three categories: keep, donate or throw away. Many items have sentimental value, which makes them extremely hard to consider giving away. This is where a professional can be very helpful. Those who specialize in downsizing and transitioning are experts in the sorting process because they look at things with an objective eye. They can also locate auctioneers and provide information on estate sales which can help you sell some of your items, especially valuable collectibles.

Before selling or donating items that are sentimental, take pictures of the treasured items and place those pictures in a memory album. This keeps the memory of the item alive without actually having to physically own it after moving into your new home.

And if a piece of furniture is really important to you, find just the perfect place in your new home to enjoy it.

While it’s ideal to downsize all at once, the reality is many people downsize in stages, storing items until a later date. With children often spread out over many states, it’s not always possible to get it all done at once. Forty or 50 years of belongings is a lot to sift through, so utilize resources to help make the process as seamless as possible. And with the money you make from your estate sale, treat yourself to some new items for your new home!

Share your experiences about downsizing with us in the comments section below. If you’ve been through the process already, do you have any advice or helpful hints? What would you have done differently?

Directions to Bethany Village:

Bethany Village is located just north of the intersection of Interstate 675 and Far Hills Avenue in Centerville, 10 miles south of Dayton, Ohio.
Click here for a map or for Mapquest directions.

Trying anything new is terrifying, isn’t it? Sometimes change is forced on us and sometimes we’re lucky enough to make proactive choices about life before events are hoisted upon us.

I’m new to Bethany Village and the Graceworks organization. I work in the marketing department and I get to write a lot of interesting content. Sometimes I get to meet residents and learn about their lives.

If you would have asked me a year ago if I’d be working at a Continuing Care Retirement Community in Dayton, Ohio, I’d have laughed and shook my head "no." After all, I had a corporate PR job and things were humming along fine. Then the economy collapsed and just like millions of other Americans, I was without a job.

I suppose my "move" to Bethany Village can somehow parallel a retiree’s decision to transition to our community. After all, retirement is a whole new phase of life and for many people, the options are endless. Should you stay in your home or move somewhere exotic? Move near children or downsize and travel nonstop? What if you want to stay close to where you’ve always lived but are done with the endless household chores? Asking yourself many questions can help you make a decision about where you would like to live during retirement… but the honest truth is that pretty much all change is scary.

I didn’t know what to expect, showing up to work on my first day at Bethany Village. After all, this was completely new for me and I didn’t personally know anyone who lived at Bethany. I didn’t know any of the employees and I’ve never done anything remotely close to human services…so some of the regulations and training classes made me nervous. Yet, a month later, it all sort of makes sense. Everything fits and people are very nice and helpful.

Moving is both scary and exciting, even if it’s planned way in advance. After all, you might be leaving possessions and good neighbors behind. I was sad about leaving my old job because I didn’t want to leave my friends. I realized soon after my last day at my old company that those friends weren’t going anywhere. Good friends always stick together, no matter what. Just like good neighbors.

So, if you’re lucky enough to be in retirement and considering a move, you might consider Bethany when checking out places to live. You might find you move next door to the friend of a lifetime in the process. It all starts with change and you can remain completely independent.  

Do you know someone who recently moved to a Continuing Care Retirement Community? Give us your thoughts in the comments section below.

• Health changes: shortness of breath, increased pain, unexplained bruises or other injuries, difficulty walking, changes in eating or sleeping habits
• Memory loss: missed appointments, losing or misplacing items, repetitive conversation, missed doses of medications or medications taken at wrong times
• Mood changes: loss of interest in usual activities, being withdrawn, prolonged sadness, increased irritability, unusual fears
• Poor safety judgment: stove burners left on, unexplained dents in the car, getting lost, dressing inappropriately for the weather
• Decline in personal appearance: wearing the same clothing, poor grooming and/or hygiene
• Decline in living conditions: house not being kept up like it used to be, dirty dishes or paperwork piling up, rooms messy
• Difficulty managing finances: unpaid bills, unable to maintain checkbook