Bethany Village Life Enrichment Services

Hi! My name is Rachel Abshear, and in addition to being a certified activity consultant and certified aging services professional, I am a certified laughter leader! That’s right – I believe in the power of laughter, one of life’s great gifts.

As Bethany’s Life Enrichment Services Manager – a position I’ve held for the last three years –I work with a dedicated staff to create innovative, fun, stimulating, activities and special events that appeal to all our residents. I started volunteering in a retirement community when I was 14 years old and I fell in love with the job. I spent two afternoons a week with a reclusive resident who was blind, deaf and had insulin-dependent diabetes. Over the course of four years with her, I saw the how important personal connections are to older adults.

By the time I went to college, the woman had hosted a party, been pictured in a swimsuit in a marketing brochure, modeled in a resident fashion show and was enjoying Saturday evening visits with her new "gentleman friend." My experience with her steered me toward a career that I am passionate about and hope to continue to grow in over many years.

My two dogs and I live in Centerville, Ohio, just five minutes from Bethany Village. I am very close to my family who lives nearby. I like to play tennis in my free time and I enjoy writing. And needless to day, I love to share the joy of laughter.

Arlene formerly served as the Chief Operating Officer for the Council on Aging of Southwestern Ohio (COA). Currently, she consults with organizations serving older adults on issues of aging and strategic planning. She developed her exhibit while still at COA as a meaningful way to celebrate a milestone. As her 25th anniversary with COA approached, the staff wanted to give Arlene a gift; instead, she asked them to let her think about a way she could give back to them. That led her to create her exhibit. In 2003 she did her first portrait, which is called “Simply Red.” She continued to photograph older adults in various places, capturing the essence of aging and life through their expressions.

She says, “I feel a personal bonding with the people in the portraits. Some of them stay in touch with me. So I wrote a coffee table book with their stories and portraits which was published and released in 2009 in Westminster, London, and then the book was released in the USA in January 2011.” The book is also on display at Bethany’s Art Center. She appreciates the value of the Art Center, giving Bethany residents opportunities to create, engage in, and view art, and the friendliness of the Bethany community during her visits.

In addition to opportunities in the Cincinnati area, Arlene has displayed her photographs in Boston, Washington, DC, Montana, Great Britain, the Middle East, and Sri Lanka. Many of her photos were taken in those areas as well. Last year she exhibited in Switzerland at their national aging conference.

Arlene hopes that through her art people realize that the emotions attached to aging are universal and powerful. She says, “It does not matter where in the world you are; we have the same feelings and commonality of aging. Feelings about the fears and joys of aging cross all cultures.”

To sum up her exhibit—the product of her passion for serving older adults and taking pictures—Arlene notes: “People are drawn to beauty, and this exhibit shows the beauty of aging.”

Food: We celebrate with it. Bond with it. Mourn with it. Experiment with it. Impress with it. Reach out with it. Heal with it. Love with it. Who doesn’t long for the taste of dishes like mom’s meatloaf and grandma’s apple pie – with a big dollop of all the memories they evoke?

Bethany Village resident Elinor Thomas, 89, felt that tug of nostalgia and she did something about it. In 2003, Elinor collected some of her family recipes in a 248-page spiral-bound book. The book’s oversized-type makes it easy to read for those who, like Elinor, have macular degeneration.

Then Elinor took her book one step further: she used the on-demand publishing company Friends and Family Cookbook Publishers to edit, format (with photos!) and print her book, The See-Easy Large Print Cookbook, which now sells for $19.95 on the tools for independent living website MaxiAids. Because Elinor prints only the number of books she needs at any given time, her costs remain manageable. Elinor reports that she has another recipe book waiting in the wings. First, however, she wants to market The See-Easy Large Print Cookbook to Walmart and local bookstores.

Last year, Friends and Family produced Bethany Cooks, a collection of favorite recipes from Bethany residents and staff ($15 in the gift shop). And who helped organize the 150+ recipes and pictures for publication, plus run a contest to name the cookbook? None other than Elinor Thomas and several other residents.

"Of course, you don’t have to sell your cookbook to enjoy making one," Elinor says. "A legacy cookbook can be as simple as a collection of your recipes or family recipes in a three-ring binder, or you can have pages reproduced and spiral bound at any copy store. Your family will love it, as my two children and my husband Ray’s five children do."

Here are a dozen tips to consider when thinking about your family cookbook:

1. Choose a time frame. Are you going to look back several generations or focus more on your immediate family and the recipes they would remember?

2. Pick a theme. Do you want to include the full gamut of recipes from appetizers to desserts? Perhaps you want to focus only on holiday recipes? The name of your cookbook will probably flow from your theme.

3. How many recipes do you want to include? Becoming too ambitious might take away from the fun of creating the book, so be realistic.

4. Do you want to include pictures, past and present, of family and friends?

5. Do you want to write a short paragraph about why you have included each recipe – perhaps recall some of the memories attached to the dish?

6. As you pull together recipes, check to be sure you have all the ingredients that are used listed and that all the ingredients listed are in fact used in the instructions. Ingredients should be listed in the order in which they are used.

7. Don’t forget the cooking temperature and time as well as the suggested number of servings.

8. Check some of your favorite cookbooks and food magazines to see how recipes are written and pick a simple format you like. You can also look at books such as The Recipe Writer's Handbook for guidance.

9. Don’t be shy about offering cooking and serving tips.

10. If you are writing to family members to ask for recipes, include a sample recipe format for them to follow and ask them why they chose the recipe they are sending you. Be sure you include the name of the person who contributed the recipe in your book.

11. If the you or the person you are asking for a recipe doesn’t have an email account, send a self-addressed stamped envelope along with your request. Set a reasonable deadline for getting recipes back.

12. Be sure to send everyone who contributed a copy of the finished product.

How does your family share recipes and pass them along from one generation to the next? Share your comments.

Everybody has a story. Just ask retired political science teacher and Bethany Village resident Jeremy Curtoys. With some editing help from his wife, Linda, also a retired teacher, Jeremy, 69, has devoted mornings over the last two years to writing his memoir, The Waters Always Parted (named from a snippet of dialog in the novel Gilead by Marilynne Robinson).

"I thought I might be finished by the time I am 70," Jeremy remarks, " but I am writing chronologically, and I’m only up to 1967 – the year I came to America from Rhodesia." Jeremy has also written two short biographical stories about childhood adventures, both of which won awards in an annual arts competition sponsored by Advocate of Not-For-Profit Services for Older Ohioans.

Jeremy began his memoir for his two sons and future generations of the Curtoys family. "I started as if I were writing a long letter," he says, "but now I don’t care if anyone reads it! I simply enjoy the process. The more I write, the more I remember." When we asked Jeremy for his best advice for would be memoirists, his answer came easily: "Just start!"

We have also collected a dozen additional tips for capturing your story:

As you pursue writing a memoir, you will find that storytelling is a fun and fulfilling life-skill. Bethany Village has offered a well-received memoir writing class in the past. If there is enough interest, we’ll do it again. Respond to this blog to let us know if you are interested.

"Love is wonderful, the second time around," as the song lyric goes. Nevertheless, romance in the senior years can be a delicate issue – especially for adult children. I have seen love bloom between some of our residents here at Bethany Village and have watched the family dynamics that can result. Let me share a few observations with you.

People seek relationships later in life for various reasons. A desire for companionship is probably the biggest factor. It’s fun to share meals with someone, go to the movies together, even just sit and watch TV with another person. Having a partner also takes away the social intimidation of going to events and gatherings alone.

Entering a new relationship doesn’t diminish what you had with your previous partner. After you’ve been married for 50 or 60 years, the need for intimacy and touch continues even though your spouse is gone. It’s natural to want to feel close to someone and to count on him or her for support and unconditional love.

Sometimes, however, the adult children of seniors who have found new partners in life feel confused, fearful and even threatened by the new relationships. Inheritance issues may arise. My best advice: Talk honestly about feelings and concerns among yourselves and with a counselor or pastor. If there are serious concerns about finances, speak with an attorney and make sure everyone involved understands the situation.

If you are an older adult who is interested in meeting someone but don’t know how to go about it, here are a few tips:

• If you live in a retirement community, take advantage of activities planned for residents. For example, at Bethany Village we offer a wide range of opportunities such as movies, lectures, parties, special interest clubs and fitness classes.
• Things may have changed since you were last on the dating scene, but courtesy and respect are still at the heart of a budding relationship.
• Remember you are not looking for a breadwinner or for the father/mother of your children! You are seeking companionship for yourself.
• If you decide to try an Internet dating site, NEVER give out personal information such as your phone number or address online.
• If you meet someone with whom you feel you might become physically intimate, talk with your doctor about testing for sexually transmitted diseases and having safe sex.

Becoming acquainted with someone new and developing a friendship based on mutual respect and shared values is an adventure you may enjoy.

Need more resources? The L.A. Times recently wrote about single seniors finding love. If you would like to share how you met your new friend, please leave a comment below.