Bethany Lutheran Village

How Adult Children Influence Mom and Dad’s Decision to Relocate to a Retirement Community out of State

Friday, August 13, 2010 by Amy Hamm

More and more seniors are selecting and ultimately moving to a retirement community in a state other than where they currently reside. Not surprising, one major factor in this decision is the consideration of wanting to be closer to their children and grandchildren.

Family is a huge pull on the emotional heartstrings. The opportunity to be closer to children and grandchildren and be a part of their daily lives often motivates seniors to relocate where family lives.

There are many benefits for both parents and their children. First, there is an opportunity to check-in frequently with one another, whether it is gathering for Sunday family dinners or simply an impromptu visit. Also, having parents in the same city allows them to attend grandchildren’s special events, such as dance recitals or weekly soccer games.

On a more practical level, having parents close by enables the sons and daughters to assist more in situations where one or more parent’s health is declining. When parents live far away, sons and daughters need to take vacation days, or even a week at a time to visit and provide assistance on a more sporadic basis. If the parents are in good health, many are helping assist with their grandchildren, offering to watch grandchildren after school or transport them to events while the parents are at work. This is a tremendous help when both parents work outside the home.

Often the sons and daughters are doing the initial research and paving the way for mom and dad to move closer. More and more initial visits here at Bethany Village in Dayton, Ohio are with the entire family or just with the adult children. It used to be I would see the children at the end of the process or on moving day but not anymore.

Are you now living in a senior retirement community like Bethany Village? Did you enlist the help of your children for guidance on your decision? Leave us a comment and tell us your story.

Directions to Bethany Village:

Bethany Village is located just north of the intersection of Interstate 675 and Far Hills Avenue in Centerville, 10 miles south of Dayton, Ohio.
Click here for a map or for Mapquest directions.

What Are You Laughing At?! Bethany Village Residents Enjoy Benefits of Laughter Club

Monday, February 15, 2010 by Rachel Ryan

Never underestimate the power of a good laugh. We’ve heard this many times, yet the older we get, the harder it seems to be to laugh heartily, especially without prompting by a good joke or comedy routine. We seek opportunities to laugh at or about something, rather than creating them. Despite this habit, however, research shows that laughter enhances circulation, lowers blood pressure, boosts immune function, and reduces stress hormones. These benefits alone should have us laughing all the way to the bank from the doctor’s office, infecting everyone we pass with this natural therapy!

So how can you infuse more laughter into your daily life? In cities throughout the world and communities across the country—all the way to Bethany Village, a continuing care retirement community in Centerville, OH—people have discovered the joy and camaraderie of laughter clubs. Laughter clubs exist because of Indian physician Dr. Madan Kataria, who developed the concept in order to bring the benefits of laughter to his patients.

Rather than rely on humorous stimuli to make people chuckle, laughter clubs depend on the members’ own abilities to simulate laughter, through guided “laughs” and the contagious response to others in the process. The body identifies the imitated laughter and triggers the same healthy responses—emotionally and physiologically—as with real laughter. Therefore, in addition to the socializing aspect of laughing with a group of people, participants also experience wellness benefits, including a diaphragm and abdominal workout, an increase in blood flow, an increase in muscle flexion, and a release of endorphins. Wow! Fellowship and an aerobics workout—what’s not to laugh about?

Whether you are a son or daughter caring for aging parents or you live in a senior living community, laughter could be the best medicine for what ails you. Have you had a good laugh today?

Are you aware of any laughter clubs in your area? Would you like to join a laughter club?

How to Know When Mom and Dad Need Help to Continue Living Independently

Monday, February 8, 2010 by Robyn Nelson

It's only natural for parents to want to live independently for as long as possible. As a son or daughter of aging parents, you can help them remain safe while maintaining their dignity and independence. The best defense is a good offense. When visiting your parents, be observant. If you live far away, ask a neighbor to check in on your parents.

Here are several signs that will help you know when Mom and Dad are having trouble managing by themselves:

Health changes: shortness of breath, increased pain, unexplained bruises or other injuries, difficulty walking, changes in eating or sleeping habits
Memory loss: missed appointments, losing or misplacing items, repetitive conversation, missed doses of medications or medications taken at wrong times
Mood changes: loss of interest in usual activities, being withdrawn, prolonged sadness, increased irritability, unusual fears
Poor safety judgment: stove burners left on, unexplained dents in the car, getting lost, dressing inappropriately for the weather
Decline in personal appearance: wearing the same clothing, poor grooming and/or hygiene
Decline in living conditions: house not being kept up like it used to be, dirty dishes or paperwork piling up, rooms messy
Difficulty managing finances: unpaid bills, unable to maintain checkbook

There are some simple ways you can help your parents continue to live independently. If a parent is having trouble managing money, offer to balance their checkbook or help them set up auto-pay for their regular monthly bills. If there is spoiled food in the refrigerator or your parents aren't eating well, help clean out the fridge regularly and take them shopping for groceries for easy-to- fix meals. Arranging for housekeeping assistance once a month can make a big difference.

It's important to remember that you aren't alone. There are many resources in the community that can help if you, your siblings or other family members are feeling overwhelmed.

You can start by talking to your parents' physician. Home health services provide nursing care, therapy, medical social services, and home health assistance. Many communities also have a senior companion program so Mom and Dad won't always be alone at home if you can't be there.

What signs are you seeing in your parents' living situations that concern you? Or do you have suggestions for other daughters and sons caring for aging parents you'd like to share? We'd like to hear from you.

Caring for Aging Parents: How To Have "The Talk" With Mom & Dad

Monday, February 1, 2010 by Dana Lynch

What do you do when you start noticing a decline in your parents' health or living conditions? How do you approach one or both parents when a change in their living situation is inevitable?

Having "the talk" can be awkward for both parents and their children alike.

In a perfect world, plans and wishes have been discussed long before a crisis occurs. But in reality, a crisis such as a hospitalization, a sudden illness or a fall often prompts the discussion about where to go from here - whether it be an Assisted Living facility or a Nursing Home offering 24-hour care. Decisions must now be made under duress, choices may be limited and finances may not be in order.

So the time to have "the talk" is before a crisis occurs.

Before you have "the talk" with your parents, you should speak with other family members, friends or neighbors. Get some background information from them about one or both parents' behavior and come to a better understanding of the situation so you can present a unified front. You want to make sure everyone is on the same page before approaching Mom and Dad. Review information about various senior living options and resources for family members so that you will be armed with the confidence that comes with knowledge.

You could lead into the conversation by talking about specific examples as a springboard for "the talk" - you could say, "Mom and Dad, I'm concerned about your health and your ability to continue to live at home. I think its time to discuss your living options." Continue with "This is what I've noticed the last several times I've been to visit." Then give observations pertaining to either a specific health ailment or a general decline in health reflected in poor housekeeping or hygiene.

Validate their strengths, all the things that they are still doing well that do not concern you. That way the conversation is not all about "You're failing this, you're failing that." Instead say, "I think you may need specific help with this." For example, "When I come over I notice the carpet isn't as clean as it used to be. It doesn't appear to have been vacuumed in a while." This works well if there are a few specific issues that need to be addressed.

Don't make "the talk" bigger or more dramatic than it needs to be. You don't necessarily need to have the whole family show up; that could seem like an "us versus them" confrontation. It could be very overwhelming and intimidating for the parent.

If there are a series of small problems that are mounting then perhaps you need to have a more serious conversation with Mom and Dad.

If you'd like to share some advice, or have a question about caring for your aging parent, please write a comment to me below.